Still not missing it much, and I think it's partly because there's no ugh, that last drink was unnecessary or feeling like a weakling because I had a drink or four every night. It is not weak to drink - it just made me feel weak to want to drink less and enforce no change. Day after day of check marks and straight posture and looking and feeling better ... it's begun to settle in. I feel like I'm welcoming myself back to the present in a way. Oh hello, and where have you been? Good to have you back. So many small things, all adding up.
I had a few drinks Friday and Saturday night, and harbored no feelings of guilt or regret. I took the first opportunity Sunday to wash down an Antabuse, and once again I felt glad to have the protection. I'm close to being able to handle it on my own, but not quite yet. The fact that it feels like protection says a lot, I think, and it may be months down the line before I can swim on my own, but I'm willing to wait and work on my strength. It's become a rare occurence to have the thought of having a drink be more than a momentary blip, but why test it when things are going as well as they are?
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Going for some type of accountability here, because good Lord do I need it. It's slightly worse than I'll let on, but still much better than it could be.
2 comments:
I am proud of you babe.
Sheesh. Lori Jean took took the words right out of my mouth. I AM proud of you, Mel. Seriously, if I were having one or four a night, I'd be doing cartwheels. It's all in the perspective, I reckon. The thing that is NOT in the "perspective" is that, when not drinking, one feels ever-so much bettah. (An English-ism for ya, sis.) It is just night and day from when I drink like I drink to not drinking at all.
Then why do I continue?
Exactly.
In no damned way do I mean to jinx you, but I live vicariously through your success.
Love you, girl. =)
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