Hallelujah 2.0

Did it again!

Yesterday I brought Pete and Willy and their 20-ft leads over to Lori's, and she and I walked the dogs around the block. That's a country block, so we're talking four miles total. We took a couple of shade breaks so we could all cool down and have some water, and the boys loved it. After we got back to the house and tied the dogs to a tree to rest, Lori and I had some leftover pizza and a beer. One single beer.

I drove home, took a short nap, showered and went back for dinner, Tomb Raider, and a movie. During the course of the evening (6:00-midnight) I had two beers. Just like Friday, it felt natural to drink at a leisurely pace. In fact, they went down so slow that my first beer got warm before it was finished.

I know alcohol itself is nothing to fear, it's only how we use it. If I can have one or two drinks on a weekend night without pacing myself or setting limits, a tremendous hurdle has been passed.

To me, that is drinking reasonably. And that is what I want.

I am being careful and aware, but this weekend still felt very natural. I was initially a little concerned about the ramifications of drinking Friday night - would I want a drink at 2:00 Saturday? Would I want to have four drinks and take a nap? I thought it would be a good test because I am still feeling a lot of resolve and vigilance, and figured I could trust myself to try it. I had already told myself that if I felt a craving or Self Indulgence started broadcasting a bunch of bullshit (the seal is broken, you drank yesterday and were fine, look in the fridge, there's beer!) that I would nip this shit in the bud and go back to total abstinence.

I don't feel out of the woods yet, but I am happy to report that none of that happened. I am hoping that I passed some sort of point when the want stopped creating ripples.

What's helping is knowing that I am doing this for myself, so there is no need to downplay, minimize, hide or sneak. I am the one who wants to drink reasonably. I am the one who wants sober weeknights, sober mornings, pretty nails and more money in the bank.

I am the one who is accountable for myself.