It's somehow comforting to know that whatever mistakes I'm making, they're pretty typical. Of course I'd hoped that I could go off Antabuse, have a few weekend beers, and either get right back on or continue not drinking without it. But if it was that easy, I wouldn't have the prescription in the first place, would I?
It might have been thick-headed or cocky or just absurdly optimistic to play with going on and off Antabuse, but at least I learn quickly and won't make that mistake again. Testing boundaries didn't work out well, and I feel like I lost ground. So no matter what night out or special occasion is coming up, I am starting every morning with a little white pill.
I want that good feeling again.
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3 comments:
The wonderful thing is YOU are the good feeling...
Bravo, Melissa! I want you around for a long, long time with a great quality of life. You are doing the right thing, step by step.
I think building self-discipline is a lot like losing weight or learning a new language... it seems to be about consistency and building on your successes and being your own best friend/counselor/wise parent.
Felt wonderful and in charge again today, Lori. And to be honest, losing weight in the bargain is very motivating. It's so cool to see an outward manifestation of an inner change!
Thanks, Alexis. I plan to stick around and have a fabulous life. I've been trying to treat myself with compassion and congratulations and working on building up that self-discipline. Taking the pill in the morning is a little act of love and making the check mark at night is a little act of celebration. All of that will add up.
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