So, we're starting an experiment today. I will be accountable here for every single drink.
Words from the very first post to this blog. I haven't always been honest in the past, but here I go. I'll account for every single drink today. In chronological order:
24 oz. can of beer
2 rum and cokes
1 bottle of beer
4 bottles of beer
3 rum and cokes
By my reckoning, that's 12 drinks. And the rum and cokes are probably one-and-a-half drinks, so that's 14+ drinks.
Inexcusable.
I need to be honest. I can't pretty it up for me or anyone else. As I calculated the list above, I could hear Self Indulgence weigh in with But it's Sunday! You're talking ALL day! You spread it out over 12 hours and you're only now feeling a little buzzed and you're heading to bed! That's responsible! Just look at the numbers, though. That isn't normal by any stretch of the imagination. And please stop with all the exclamation points, would you? Your rush to reassure just hurts my head.
I used to think - well, I used to think a whole bunch of things. I keep typing and erasing all the things I've thought: I can control my drinking, AA seems helpful but to be fully engaged I'll have to stop drinking and I'm not quite ready for that, CAN I control this, is this habit, what is my liver doing, does anyone smell it at work, dammit my words slurred again. Who needs this shit?
Seriously. Who needs those thoughts? When there's help there for the taking. When there's support on all sides. When I want different. What is it that makes me think Tomorrow?
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Going for some type of accountability here, because good Lord do I need it. It's slightly worse than I'll let on, but still much better than it could be.
3 comments:
That IS a lot... and the question more so is why? Why not just a couple?? Think about it.
That's the whole problem in a nutshell, Jae. The thought of "one more" overrides logic sometimes.
Melissa, I think you're getting to the place in which you, after popping one, need to keep the buzz going, in whatever way. May I suggest you switch exclusively to marijuana? ;-) No, I jest. It's serious. It is insidious. I just hope and pray that you take your tolerance seriously and don't drive. You know not what you'll blow. AS AN ASIDE! THERE IS A DEVICE! I BOUGHT ONE FROM WALGREEN'S FOR $50. THE ALCOHAWK. A PERSONAL BREATHALYZER...IT'LL KEEP YOU SOMEWHAT POSTED TO WHERE YOU ARE, BAL-SPEAKING. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THIS: STOP DRINKING BEFORE 11 AT NIGHT AND HAVE NO WORK-WORRIES THE NEXT DAY. YOU MAY FEEL TIRED, BUT YOU'LL SURELY NOT BLOW ABOVE .000 AND YOU MOST-LIKELY WILL NOT SMELL OF BOOZE. TRUTH BE TOLD, THOUGH, THE RUM COMPLICATES MATTERS. I HAVE FOUND THAT LIQUOR IS *MUCH* TOUGHER TO SAY SHOO-SHOO TO THAN BEER.
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